NOT the girl eye use 2 bee

hmm.. idk nothin 2 exciting has happend? i guess thats just my life lol.. idk i was hoping this summer id get to do more fun shit but i didnt do much!!

idk i just am sick of people in general... no1 cares about nething and everyone fuks ya over and theres a whole lotta 2 faced people and idk it gets me soo heated!!!

ahh im soo scared school is starting soon and i dont want to go back but i want to do really good and pass with really good grades but this is Jakki we are talkin about, that will never happen!!!

idk i gotta change my life around start off fresh and stick to everything that i do!! i mean i want to do sooooooo many things but i never do nothing ever happens i dont go through with anything... and for me not doing what i want 2 do its effecting everything i do!!!

well im gunna go im tired

this really sux i cant take another minute of this town/state. i just wanna move soo far!!! i just want to get away and never come bak!!!! i mean yea i love the friends i got but its just not good for me here!! i mean im doing nothing with my life and i see it!!! i just need something but i dont kno what it is yet!!

i really want to just leave when im 18 but ill have no money to support myself!! i dont kno i guess it would be possible to get out of here but idk i just dont kno what to do anymore!!!! i need something to motivate me and nothings worked soo far! i just need to get the fuk out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i havent really been updating about what iv been doing... mayb thats bc i havent been doing anything...

well i went to NC for a week last week it was fun i got tan... i wish i could move down there i want a beach house so i can go on the beach every morning and just watch the ocean... its just sooo peacefull... theres nothing like that here!!! idk i just thought a lot while i was there and it was great i felt good i just wish i could be there all the time!!!

well when i got bak same stuff nothing new but eh its ok... iv just been soo down lately... i just wish i knew what i wanted... im always trying to get something to make me happy but it just makes me happy for a lil bit... i need to just be happy and stop thinking the way that i do... i need to just be somewhere new i cant stay here!!! i mean school is starting soon and im kinda afraid about that... i hope i can get through it this year and do good and just be happy!!

well idk i just feel like i have soo much inside me that i need to get out and i just feels like its stuck inside me... i mean iv tryed to talk to people but then i feel like im not ready to talk when i kno i am but i just cant get it out...

well i really dont have much to say so im just gunna go and find something 2 do xoxo 

y cant i do what i want to do... y cant good things happen to me! y cant i get a break from feelin like shit!!!

I FUKIN HATE MY LIFE. I FUKIN HATE THE WORLD THESE DAYS. I WISH I WAS BORN LIKE A 100 YEARS AGO!!!!

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be,
And all the memories, so close to me,
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

It's nice to know you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

so much for my happy ending!!!

wow its been a while... lol its not that iv been busy bc i havent... its just bc i dont have ne thing to say lol but idk its been sorta fun in a weird way.... iv been hangin out with everyone... mostly leanne frank mark and ivan they are all fun

well im gettin worse and worse at this talking thing and its really starting to piss me off!!!! i feel like  i cant talk to pplz anymore and its just so hard for me bc i cant get what i want to say out it makes me feel sooo stupid bc i cant say a simple thing!!!! omg idk yesterday i was really upset about it and i still am idk like i always say hopefully it will get better! but until then i will stay mad!!!!

idk iv just been gettin really mad and fustrated lately and i feel like everyone hates me.. and i kinda kno they dont but i feel like soon everyones just gunna be like we dont like you and idk i just dont want that to happen right now bc i think ill be right where i started idk i just think to much and i either think wrong or dont kno what the fuk im thinkin about.... idk im just realy confused lately i feel like theres soooo much goin on in my head and i cant think fast enuff or get any of it out.... like this is gettin bad its even interfering with me communicating with ppl... idk i gotta try and just get over it but i dont kno how idk see i end up talkin bout the same shit when i write in this thats y i dont like writing... i mean it comes down to i want to talk but i cant!!!! fuk this bc writing in here just got me more pissed of then i was

well hmm.. i guess without school in the way iv been more social... i mean i went to visit D bc i missed him i mean i didnt see him for months!! and yesterday i went out with leanne ivan frank mark and his gf and it was fun we went to hooters and then  mini golf =) i havent done shit like that in a while!!!

idk whats goin on and i kinda dont want to kno....

i mean i hate being force into something i hate and things i cant do!!

idk lil things get me really pissed lately and i hate dumb pplz bc it really pisses me off!! like pplz who talk and dont do and pplz who like to talk when they dont have to!!! just shit like that pisses me off and it will go away y wont anyone understand me... idk i just want to be left alone by some pplz and they just dont get it... i mean not like my close friends and family  by like the pplz who think they kno me and dont get the picture that they are really stupid... and i hate how some pplz treat me like im this really happy person and who treat me like im a lil girl bc im not i may not kno everthing but i do kno shit and if pplz dont like that or dont understand that well learn to!!

hmm.. shits been boring!!! well 2day i came home took a shower got in pjs and watched tv... well the doorbell rings at like 630 and who do you think it is!! its Chris i was hoping id never see him again bc every time i do i hurt... i just wish i never messed up.. even tho i really didnt he did.... but whatever... well idk we didnt talk much i was just in shock that he came and that i looked like i just woke up and i got a sty (sp) which makes me look like i got a swollen eye!! idk we didnt really talk.. he brought 2 of his friends... i prolly woulda talked more if he was alone.. actually all he asked me was how i was doing about 987897 times... then i just got boring and he was like well we gotta go... well idk i  want him to come again but i dont... bc i mean if he does imma tell him that i dont think he should see me again bc every time i see him its like my feelings come bak and idk if he didnt change and hes gunna be the same like after we fought imma just get upset and thats not good bc how can i get any worse!!

well idk i just tryed to act like i wasnt happy he came to see mee but he prolly saw right through that bc he knos how i am... well idk i really do need to go b4 i end up writing a book and shit bc i could

all i have to say is fuk it!